Betty ford says i'm here all night
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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