why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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