I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
