Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
