I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
