After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
