oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
