32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
