he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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