How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
