I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
