He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
