He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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