I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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