True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
