You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
