How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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