I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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