if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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