he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
