It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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