Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
