So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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