I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
