so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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