What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
