I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
