I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
So many bounce houses so little time
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Can I color on your dick again?
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
