Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
