i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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