3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
