I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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