is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
