only you would photoshop your dick
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
