he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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