Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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