I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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