i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
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