ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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