My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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