if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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