all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
