Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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