I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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