and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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