i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
