anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
