I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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