I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
