I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
