I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready