The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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