also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
