you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
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And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
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he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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