You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I can tuck mytits in my pants
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
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110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default