i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking