Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
