your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
