At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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