Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
