roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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