dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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