I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I just want to make out with him forever
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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