just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
