Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
