My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
