i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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