Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
