I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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