I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
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