And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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