Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
