I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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