im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
