You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize