I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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