I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
