We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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