the day after is always just damage control
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
