Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
