**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
