No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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