Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
