Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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