It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
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on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
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SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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