I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
