Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
