Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
