I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Green mimosas i think yes
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
