i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
