You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
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I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
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I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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