I wish I could teleport
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
