Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
